Why 1:1 Tutoring Isn’t Always the Answer: Understanding the Emotional Barrier to Reading

When 1:1 Tutoring Falls Short: What My 12-Year-Old Taught Me About Learning to Read

As a parent of a neurodivergent child, I know how painful it is to watch your child want so badly to read and write—but still struggle. My son is 12. He has apraxia of speech and slow processing. Every word—spoken, read or written—has been hard-won. He’s bright, creative, full of ideas… but when it comes to reading and spelling, the gap between what he knows and what he can express often leaves him feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and ashamed.

We’ve tried the usual routes. Well-meaning 1:1 tutors. Structured reading programmes. Repetition. Rewards. But it didn’t work the way people said it would. The more we pushed phonics-heavy, memory-reliant methods, the more he withdrew.

And I realised something: it wasn’t that he didn’t want to learn. He desperately did. But the emotional toll of slow progress—combined with being presented with resources far beneath his age or interests—made him feel like he was failing before he’d even begun.

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Why One-to-One Tutoring Isn’t Always the Answer

1:1 tutoring is often seen as the gold standard for catching up. But for some children, especially those with:

Apraxia of speech

Dyslexia

Slow processing

Working memory challenges

…it can backfire.

Instead of providing a safe space, it can feel like a spotlight on their difficulties. Every session becomes another reminder that they are “behind.” And when the work is slow and the rewards invisible, motivation crumbles.

Learning starts to feel like a cycle of failure, not progress.

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The Emotional Weight of Slow Progress

For my child, even saying a word can take several attempts. Imagine the emotional resilience it takes to then decode, blend, segment, spell, and store it. He wants to succeed. But when progress is slow, the frustration builds—not just in him, but in me, too.

That’s where I started to think differently. He didn’t need more drilling. He needed belief, respect, and a new path in.

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Think of It Like Building a Wall

Every word, every sound, every concept is a brick. But if you try to stack bricks too fast on a shaky base, the whole thing crumbles.

My son’s learning journey is like building a wall—slowly, brick by brick. Sometimes we go sideways. Sometimes we reinforce older bricks. Sometimes we take a break and just look at how far we’ve come.

It’s frustrating. But it’s also real, solid learning. And when a brick finally sets? It stays there.

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When Whole-Word Learning Helps

While phonics remains a vital tool for many, it’s not the only one. For children without memory issues, the whole-word approach—learning to recognise entire words visually—can be empowering.

We found success using:

High-frequency functional words (want, like, stop, home)

Personalised word banks based on his interests

Real-life context (labelling things around the house, menus, instructions)

Tactile learning tools like magnetic word tiles and word walls

These strategies gave him instant success. He could read something. And that small victory built confidence, which in turn made him more willing to try the next thing.

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Age-Respectful Resources Matter

Let’s be honest: many early reading resources are babyish. Bright cartoon characters. Giant rainbow letters. It’s embarrassing for older kids who are already aware they’re struggling.

We had to get creative.

We built word cards with his favourite football team.

Used minimalist fonts and black-and-white layouts.

Swapped worksheets for whiteboards.

Used YouTube subtitles to boost word recognition.

Integrated speech goals naturally into reading games—not therapy.

Small tweaks, but powerful results.

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So What’s the Takeaway?

Not all children thrive with 1:1 tutoring, especially when the approach doesn’t meet their cognitive or emotional needs.

Some children, like my son, need:

Pacing that respects their processing

Repetition without shame

Resources that reflect their age and interests

A sense of success, even in tiny steps

We don’t need to rush the wall. We need to lay strong bricks, one at a time.

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If your child is struggling to learn to read, know this: it’s not about laziness. It’s not about lack of intelligence. It’s about fit. Emotional safety. The right materials. And the slow, steady belief that success is not just possible—it’s inevitable, with the right foundation. Please feel free to get in touch if you're struggling to advocate for your child or a young person's needs. Supporting Parents to ensure that there are specific and measurable targets / Outcomes within the EHCP is essential, not just for the needs but foremost accountability with the LA and school.

You are not alone. And neither are they.