"Unmasking Me" - understanding Autism and Neurodivergence in Girls and Women

For many girls and women, the journey toward understanding themselves begins long before any formal diagnosis. What may first appear as anxiety, low self-worth, or eating challenges is often misread, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed.

Behind it all, many are navigating the world through a neurodivergent lens—without the words or recognition to explain it.

I’ve spent over 15 years supporting families of girls who are diagnosed, awaiting assessments, or just know they’re different. A common thread connects them all: masking. The ability to blend in, hide struggles, and internalise confusion—until burnout or crisis forces someone to look closer.

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Why Are So Many Girls Missed?

Girls with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergent profiles are often overlooked because they present differently to boys. Common patterns include:

Masking distress through perfectionism or people-pleasing

Misdiagnosis with anorexia, body dysmorphia, or OCD

Withdrawing socially or obsessively mimicking others

Appearing “fine” at school but struggling deeply at home

Expressing distress through eating, control, or sensory avoidance

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The Facts:

Up to 23% of girls diagnosed with anorexia nervosa show strong autistic traits

Many autistic girls are first misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or borderline personality disorder

ADHD in girls is often overlooked due to daydreaming, emotional overwhelm, or masking

Sensory sensitivity can affect eating habits, sleep, and clothing preferences—often mistaken for behavioural issues

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How Can We Help Neurodivergent Girls?

Listen and believe – Trust their lived experience, even if professionals haven’t caught up yet

Explore sensory needs – Auditory, visual, tactile sensitivities can hugely affect wellbeing

Build safe, non-judgemental spaces – Reduce masking pressure

Support emotional regulation – Use visual aids, grounding tools, or therapy

Affirm identity – Frame neurodivergence as difference, not disorder

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Supportive Tools & Apps:

Molehill Mountain – Anxiety app designed for autistic users

Calm Harm – Teen-friendly emotional regulation tool

AUMI App – Musical expression for sensory play

MindDoc – Mood and thought tracking for insight and reflection

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Charities & Resources:

National Autistic Society (NAS)

Autistica

ADHD Foundation

BEAT Eating Disorders

PDA Society

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To the girls navigating all this—and the parents walking beside them: You are not alone.

Let’s move away from survival and towards understanding, compassion, and empowerment.

If you're supporting a neurodivergent child and don't know where to turn—I'm here to help.

Visit www.independentsendehcp.co.uk or email Rebekah@independentsendehcp.co.uk.

Warmly,

Rebekah

Founder, Independent SEND EHCP